The Hetalia High Gazette
by trinity1504
Summary: "Can you please just give your opinion on a candidate? Any one will do!" But of course Alfred was already on a role, "That's it! I'll be King! I am the hero after all." "YOU WEREN'T NOMINATED!" A lot of things have been happening at Hetalia High and The Het Gazette is here to report on it even if the interviews are trying and the writers slightly undedicated at times. Oneshot!


This is a one-shot. It was born from my overly bored mind in Lit class as we analyzed newpapers. It is just random stuff, hopefully it entertains.

Warnings: Not proofread! I'm too lazy sorry. There are some pairings like Spamano (love this pairing), DenmarkxNorway, and a few others. Hintings at various other pairs.

It is divided into Various Articles in case the organization confuses anyone. It's pretty straight forward though.

**The Hetalia High School Gazette**

_**November Edition Excerpt**_

_Index:_

_-Can't Wait to Be King_

_-What's In _

_-An Icy Tradition_

_-Best Couple Competitors_

Can't Wait to Be King!

After a week of voting, where the polls were open to all students at Hetalia High, the five kings of the court were announced. It is a long tradition here that every Winter Dance, a king is crowned. To choose this king, all students vote for their three top choices. All senior boys are listed and then the voter just has to check the boxes next to their top three picks. This year the king candidates were announced at an assembly after school on Friday. The lucky seniors that were nominated are: Gilbert Belschmidt, Francis Bonnefoy, Yao Wang, Mathias Kohler, and Antonio Carriedo. Earlier today two of the newspaper staff interviewed a few candidates and some random members of the student body to discuss their nomination.

_Gilbert Belschmidt-On his nomination_

_Staff 1: "So Gilbert, did you have any idea you would be nominated to the King Court out of all the senior boys in you grade?"_

_GB: "Hah, are you ****ing me? Of course I knew. I'm ****ing awesome!"_

_Staff 1: "Oh, um, okay. What do you think your chances of winning are?"_

_GB: "I'm awesome so I'll win. There's no competition."_

_Staff 1: "Well what about Antonio and Francis? You three are good friends aren't you?"_

_GB: "Mein Gott, those guys are great. Yeah, they are almost as awesome as myself. It was obvious the three of us would get on the court. People love us. How can you not?"_

_Staff 1: "Yeah…anyways, if you say they are so awesome then aren't you worried about the competition they may pose?"_

_GB: "Of course I'm not worried. They are almost awesome. They don't even reach my level."_

_Staff 1 "And that level is?"_

_GB: "I epitomize awesome."_

_Staff 1: "Wow, that is a lot of confidence…"_

_GB: "Yeah, it's one of my many awesome qualities."_

_Staff 1 "Can I ask what that small, yellow bird-thing is doing on your shoulder?"_

_GB: "This is Gil-bird. He's awesomely adorable."_

_Staff 1: "Is there a reason why he's just sitting on you shoulder. It's kind of…weird."_

_GB: "Hey, Gildbird isn't weird!"_

_Staff 1: "I wasn't implying that Gildbird was the weird one."_

_GB: "You know kid, I've never seen you before but you are pretty unawesome."_

_Staff 1: "It's just strange."_

_GB: "Yeah, well that curl of yours is strange!"_

_GB: "Heh, now you're all blushy. Awesome people like myself don't blush."_

_GB: "Are you going to say anything else? Why are you…hey, are you walking out on me?! Oi!...How unawesome."_

After Gilbert Belschmidt was interviewed the first staff member, Matthew Williams, needed a reprieve so Gupta Muhammad took over.

_Roderich Edelstein-On Gilbert Belschmidt's nomination_

_RE: "It is an utter disgrace that he was nominated. He is a classless, tasteless oaf with a limited vocabulary and a penchant for doing crude, dangerous acts."_

_Staff 2: "Wow, okay. Anything other insults?"_

_RE: "I've said all that needs to be said. Someone more refined should have been nominated."_

_Staff 2: "Four other people were nominated as well."_

_RE: "None of them are of the right caliber, but the conceited dunce who thinks he is better than everyone else is the worst."_

_Staff 2: "You are sounding a bit hypocritical. Are you sure you aren't jealous just jealous he was nominated instead of you."_

_RE: "Preposterous."_

_Francis Bonnefoy-On his nomination_

_FB: "Yes, yes, mercí. What can I say? I just want to spread my love. And the women and men just want me. _

_*Francis left immediately after his statement for unknown reasons_

_Arthur Kirkland-On Francis Bonnefoy's nomination_

_Staff 2: "Do you know Francis Bonnefoy personally?"_

_AK: " I don't associate myself with people like him. A bloody wanker that's what he is. The perverted frog doesn't even have any friends aside from that egotistical albino Gilbert and wolf in sheep's clothing Antonio._

_Staff 2: "The bubbly and popular nice guy Antonio a wolf? That seems a little farfetched."_

_AK: I've just been around them more. Antonio's all patience and smiles, almost seems airheaded, until you say the wrong thing. The wanker goes all one-eighty on you. Violent and sadistic as all bloody hell._

_Staff 2: Riiiiight. Anyways, you said that Francis has no friends other than Antonio and Gilbert. Then how did he get voted onto Court? Some people have to like him? He is said to be quite charming._

_AK: In the I'm a slimy frog that will molest you kind of way. And as for your question, the answer is quite simple: He has just fucked half the student population and flirted with the other half._

_Staff 2: Just out of curiosity, what category do you fall under?_

_AK: EH?! Wh-what the bloody hell do you mean by that?!_

_*Student left before he could be interviewed further_

_Alfred Jones- On the nomination of Yao Wang_

_AF: "Hello!"_

_Staff 2: Good afternoon. What are your thoughts on the nomination of Yao Wang?"_

_AF: "Yo who?"_

_Staff 2: "Yao Wang, one of the king candidates and also the Student Body President."_

_AF: "Oh you mean the slanty eyed guy with girl hair?"_

_Staff 2: "…"_

_AF: "Sure, yeah I know him! We are pals! He bought me a burger once a McDonalds. Man, McD's is the bomb."_

_Staff 2: That's nice._

_AF: "Did you know I once ate thirty seven burgers in one sitting?"_

_Staff 2: That's nice._

_AF: "It's impressive, I know. My best buddy Iggy always whines and bitches about how greasy it is but it sure beats the crusty cardboard he calls food. Hahaha! Man, Iggy is the best."_

_Staff 2: "…That's nice."_

_AF: "Do you know Iggy? We are tighter than brothers. Old bushy brows, what a character."_

_Staff 2: "So, about the court-"_

_AF: "Oh yeah I firmly believe the hero will come out on top. They are all good guys but not really the main figure type. You know the handsome, all-good hero-figure?"_

_Staff 2: "No I'm not sure I do know. Now can you tell me your opinion on Yao-"_

_AF: "Yeah, what this school needs is a hero. A real, classy, all-American hero._

_Staff 2: "Can you please just give your opinion on a candidate? Any one will do!"_

_AF: "That's it! I'll be King! I am the hero after all."_

_Staff 2: "What are you talking about?!"_

_AF: "Don't worry, I will be King. It's the hero's responsibility after all."_

_Staff 2: "You can't be King! You are a Junior!"_

_AF: "A hero overcomes all obstacles, no matter the personal danger."_

_Staff 2: "…There is no personal danger."_

_AF: "This will be epic!"_

_Staff 2: "Are you going to say anything about the nominated court?"_

_AF: "What? Oh, no. Come on! Why would I waste time talking about the minor characters?"_

_Staff 2: "This interview is over."_

After this interview a stressed Staff member 2 switched back with Staff Member 1.

_Lovino Vargas-On Antonio Carriedo's nomination_

_LV: "Why are you ****ing following me?"_

_Staff 1: "W-Well, I, um, emailed you about an interview and you never responded so I came to you to get it."_

_LV: "Did you ever think there might be a reason I didn't ****ing answer like maybe I don't give a **** or that this whole thing is a waste of my time?"_

_Staff 1: "S-sorry, I-I can make this quick."_

_LV: "Fine. You have two minutes."_

_Staff: "O-okay!...You are really intimidating."_

_LV: "What?"_

_Staff 1: "Nothing!... Okay, how did you react when heard that your boyfriend had gotten the honor of being voted to King Court?"_

_LV: "I didn't give two ****s."_

_Staff 1: "Oh, alright. What was Antonio's reaction?"_

_LV: "The smiley bastard was grinning ear to ear and kept trying to jump me."_

_Staff 1: "Did you do anything to celebrate his nomination?"_

_LV: "He had some. I punched him in the face when he suggested them."_

_Staff 1:"So you didn't do anything to celebrate?"_

_LV: "Well, I did give him a basket of tomatoes and a k-kiss. But only a small one ****it! And just because I felt a little guilty for punching him! Got it?"_

_Staff 1: "Y-yeah, of course! Are you happy that Antonio's friends made the court too?"_

_LV: "Those ****tards! No way. What stupid as **** morons voted for those too? At least Tonio is nice to people because he just weidly ****ing friendly, but I don't know why anyone would vote for that creepy French rapist. The guy can't keep it in pants. And the elder potato bastard, while slightly better than the younger potato bastard, may he die slowly and painfully, is the biggest *** I have ever met. Just what he had his dumb-ass friends need. Their overinflated egos just got even bigger. ****ing annoying, cocky bastards. All of them."_

_Staff 1: "So you don't like your boyfriend's best friends?"_

_LV: "No. I hope they burn in hell, along with the potato bastard dating my brother."_

_Staff 1: "Ok-"_

_LV: ""**** it's been over two minutes I have to go pick up Feliciano. Ciao. Oh and if you don't edit out that part about me giving the tomato bastard a kiss, I'll end you."_

The newspaper staff takes no responsibility for the views portrayed in this article. All expletives were bleeped out in this article as well. It is the only alteration that has occurred.

By: Matthew Williams and Gupta Muhammad

~~~~~~Hetalia High News~~~~~~

What's In

After talking to various students around Hetalia High and inquiring as to what they think is currently in style I have compiled a list. Between clothes, food, technology, and so much more, everything that is trending here at Hetalia is in here.

_Tomatoes!_ –Antonio (Senior)

_Anything British_ – Arthur (Junior)

_Scarves _– Ivan (Senior)

_Japanese Music_ –Kiku (Sophomore)

_Pancakes_ _with maple syrup _– Matthew (Sophomore)

_Camo _–Basch (Junior)

_Naps_- Heracles (Senior)

_Penguins_-Emil (Freshman)

_Anything French_-Francis (Senior)

_Tracking Chips_- Natalia (Junior)

By: Katyusha Braginski

~~~~~~~Hetalia High News~~~~~~

An Icy Tradition

Denmark, an insanely powerful and glorious country in Northern Europe, is often forgotten these days. It ruled over all its neighbors with an almighty fist of righteousness and even had all of Europe under its foot at one point. (My editor would like me to point out that _according to him_ that latter fact is false) Denmark is still a great and beautiful place which many people don't realize. Basically, it's just fricken awesome. Enough said. Denmark owns.

This whole writing a page worth of crap isn't happening. Oh, and Norge, you can suck my ****! You said I couldn't get on the newspaper. Well look at me now, Mr. Got and Icicle shoved too far up my ***, so suck it nice and good….But seriously Norge, I'm actually dying of blue balls here. I'm sorry for calling your brother a snot-nosed prick of a cock block, even if it is the honest to goodness truth. So about the sucking, want to meet at my place later?

By: Mathias Kohler

~~~~~~Hetalia High News~~~~~~

Best Couple Competitors

As every senior knows, it is tradition to vote on different Senior Superlatives for the yearbook which comes out three weeks before the last day of school in June. Superlatives rank from the most likely to succeed to class clown. Every month two of the superlative titles are voted on and awarded. August's Superlatives went Roderich Edelstein for Most Musical and Ivan Braginsky for Most Intimidating. September's Superlative winners were Elizabeta Héderváry for Most Athletic and Mathias Kohler for Best Smile. October's winning Superlative students were Gilbert Belschmidt for Best Eyes and Francis Bonnefoy for Dream Date. This month only has one title up for grabs because it entails two winners. This month the students are voting for best couple! There are two standouts among the Senior class though. Berwald Oxenstierna, current senior, and Tino Väinämöinen, current Junior, have been together for nine months and the blonde duo can always be seen walking through the halls together. They are truly a sweet couple to behold; their caring attitudes toward each other are like something out of a romance movie. The second couple is infamous around Het High: Antonio Carriedo, current senior, and Lovino Vargas, current junior. The reason everyone knows about this couple is not just because of the beautiful, yet feisty Italian finally being in a relationship nor is it because of how popular the celebrity like playboy yet nice guy turned into an obedient dog at Vargas's feet. The reason everyone knows about them is because it is almost impossible not to when they are so noticeable in the halls. Whether it is the shouting and cussing of Lovino as he argues at Antonio about something or the two bodies pressed against the wall heavily making out, which still involves a few ragged, breathless cusses when the younger man can catch his breath. Or it could just be the fact that for the first time ever, one of the infamous Bad Touch Trio playboys is off the market.

There are a few other contestants such as Elizabeta Héderváry and Roderich Edelstein, Feliks Łukasiewicz and Toris Laurinaitis, and the on again off again Mathias Kohler and Lukas Bondevik.

By: Lili Zwingli

~~/0/~~

I'm currently working on the next chapters to three of my stories. I just don't want to post those until they are as close to decent as possible. Sorry about the wait one those.


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